Do you ever feel like your life is going okay, but it just needs some spice to it?
Or perhaps I'm depressed because of my inability to make new friends...I never talk to people. I feel like a schwa all the time. People don't even notice me standing there...or is it just because I don't make an effort? It doesn't help that in Orchestra, I actually try to talk to my fellow violas and they just kinda ignore me, and keep talking with each other. They may give me a glance, and, if I'm lucky, a response, and one time, they actually laughed at a joke I made...but that's really it. Maybe its because they're mad at me for being a really bad player. I don't know. That shouldn't be a reason...
In the rest of my classes, I just don't talk to people. So maybe it is my fault. I go for hours sometimes without even saying anything. That's just the way I am. And I'm just trying to get my work done so I don't have homework.
In choir, the kids are from all different years of high school, so I kinda understand, but...day after day, they go without even asking me my name...which is strange, because usually upperclassmen (especially girls) jump all over new kids (which I am). Or maybe they don't want to talk to me because I'm a Freshman. Either way, I feel like I'm just stealing their oxygen, and taking up space...
It all feels like my fault, too, which it probably is, considering I never talk...but I'm just waiting for someone, anyone, to wonder who the hell this strange girl is. The girl that never talks, and keeps to herself. The girl who no one pays attention to, and half the class doesn't know she exists. The girl who's name only the teacher knows.
Maybe...people really don't know I'm there. Maybe I really am invisible.